Several years ago, while attending a communications course, I
experienced a most unusual process. The instructor asked us to list
anything in our past that we felt ashamed of, guilty about, incomplete
about or that we regretted. The next week he invited participants to read
their lists aloud. This seemed like a very private process, but there's
always some brave soul in the crowd who will volunteer. As people read
their lists, mine grew longer. After three weeks, I had 101 items. The
instructor then suggested that we find ways to make amends, apologize to
people or take some action to right any wrongdoing. I seriously wondered
how this could ever improve my communications, and had visions of
alienating just about everyone in my life.
The next week, the man next to me raised his hand and volunteered this
story:
While making my list, I remembered an incident from high school. I
grew up in a small town in Iowa. There was a sheriff in town that none of
us kids liked. One night, my two buddies and I decided to play a trick on
Sheriff Brown. After drinking a few beers, we found a can of red paint,
climbed the tall water tank in the middle of town, and wrote on the tank,
in bright red letters: Sheriff Brown is an s.o.b. The next day, the town
arose to see our glorious sign. Within two hours, Sheriff Brown had the
three of us in his office. My friends confessed and I lied, denying the
truth. No one ever found out.
Nearly 20 years later, Sheriff Brown's name appears on my list. I
didn't even know if he was still alive. Last weekend, I dialed Information
in my hometown back in Iowa. Sure enough, there was a Roger Brown still
listed. I dialed his number. After a few rings, I heard, "Hello?" I said:
"Sheriff Brown?" Pause. "Yup." "Well, this is Jimmy Calkins. And I want
you to know that I did it." Pause. "I knew it!" he yelled back. We had a
good laugh and a lively discussion. His closing words were: "Jimmy, I
always felt badly for you because your buddies got it off their chests,
and I knew you were carrying it around all these years. I want to thank
you for calling me...for your sake."
Jimmy inspired me to clear up all 101 items on my list. It took me
almost two years, but it became the springboard and true inspiration for
my career as a conflict mediator. No matter how difficult the conflict,
crisis or situation, I always remember that it's never too late to clear
up the past and begin resolution.
Reprinted by permission of Marilyn
Manning, Ph.D. © 1995 from A 3rd Serving of Chicken Soup for the Soul by
Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen. In order to protect the rights of
the copyright holder, no portion of this publication may be reproduced
without prior written consent. All rights reserved.
